Minnesota State Fair

The "needle" portion of this blog pertains to knitting.  I've been knitting for nearly 4 years, and it has indeed become a passion.  This year, very spur of the moment, I decided to enter a couple of items I knitted in the fair.  I just tried felting this summer, so I entered two felted purses.  One of the purses didn't even warrant being put on display, however the other earned a third place.  It was a combination of a couple of designs I put together.  The "fair isle" design I found on-line, and the basic design of the handle and shape were in a purse book.  Today I went to the fair, and it really is amazing how many beautiful items were on display.  Afghans made with tiny needles that had to take countless hours.  Felted mittens with embroidery details.  Sweaters made from many colors and intricate patterns.  I'm not sure if I'll enter again next year.  We'll see...

30 Years Ago....

30 years ago this month my husband and I were excitedly awaiting the birth of our second child.  30 years ago our baby was born and died on the same day.  To say it's difficult to lose a child you desperately want is an understatement.  The hardest part was everyone else's life appeared to be going on as usual, when our whole world had been pulled out from under us.  

Shortly after arriving at the hospital, I found out the baby was breach.  It was touch and go whether my doctor would let me attempt to deliver normally or if I would need a caesarean.  At the time I was terrified of the surgery of a caesarean, and thought that would just be the worst thing.  After the baby died, I thought how ridiculous my fear of surgery was.  

I relived the birth nightly, like a bad rerun, for many months as I fell asleep each night with my hands on my stomach, no longer feeling the comforting movements of my lost baby.  

He'd be thirty this year.  My children have never known their brother.  

As I try to make some sense of this, I often wonder what God had in mind.  Why my baby, who was so very wanted.  Why not someone who is suffering, and ready to die.  Sometimes I wonder if my son would have had a difficult life, and God spared him so he could go straight to heaven.  

My faith helps me believe he's in heaven right now, and I hope he says a prayer now and then for his family here on earth.  I'm looking forward someday to really getting to know my son...

Thoughts About Abortion

I intend to use this forum for a lot of different purposes.  Things that frustrate me.  Injustices.  One of my "causes" is protecting the unborn.  I realize how easy it is to be pro-life when you have never been face to face with an unplanned pregnancy, but a little over 2 years ago my daughter was in this situation.  She returned from an internship in another country pregnant.  Long story short the father wasn't interested in being involved, but my daughter chose to have her baby.  

I would never have predicted she would end up in this situation, but here's a news flash.  Birth control isn't 100% effective.  How easy it could have been to make this inconvenient problem go away.  No one would have to know.  I'm so proud she never seriously considered terminating her pregnancy.  She lived at home with us, and month by month she got bigger.  We became a regular threesome, my husband, my daughter and myself.  We attended church every Sunday, and frankly sometimes it felt a little weird.  

My grand-daughter was born a couple of weeks early, and I was blessed with being present for the birth.  It was the most amazing experience, even more amazing than the birth of my own children.  Ava is nearly two years old, and she is a miracle; so like her mother at that age, and having her live with us is just so special.  We can't even imagine how she has changed our lives for the better.

So here's the thing that bothers me.  I feel that society is telling women they aren't really killing their babies, they are "postponing" them.  But if my daughter had chosen to have an abortion, Ava would not have been postponed, she never would have existed.  And when I look at my beautiful grand-daughter, I can't even imagine her not being in our lives.